April 2025 Monthly Update

WEBVTT

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Hello The thing that I was gonna reveal this

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month that I mentioned last month was The project

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that I was working on which was It turned out

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to be the video I posted called I survived a

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36 hour bike ride Now the original idea was something

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similar But different And I needed like $200

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more than I had. And so I had a plan that I mentioned,

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but I didn't reveal the plan. My plan was to

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be hired as a freelance editor and just work

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online and make some money. And I was like searching,

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searching. I spent way too much time on Discord,

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on Fiverr, on all those sites trying to find

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work. But I realized that, first of all, I am

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not good enough to survive in a mass market.

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Especially because I don't have a video, like

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it's called a showreel. It's basically you edit

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together a video that demonstrates all of your

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abilities and you send that to people. I didn't

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have a showreel so that already put me at a disadvantage.

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Another disadvantage was I had never worked for

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another YouTuber. One advantage I had was I could

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link to my YouTube channel, but that could also

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be a disadvantage because my YouTube channel

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has no views and the YouTubers who want to hire

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editors want to get views. So basically that

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plan failed and I ended up cutting down the idea

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to where I only had to spend a couple hundred

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dollars instead of like $400 and I survived a

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36 hour bike ride. And that video, I loved that

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video. I loved making it, and it did terrible.

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But whatever, all my videos do terrible. Probably

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because my videos are terrible, but it's just

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how things are for a little bit, I guess. And

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that's one thing that has been really starting

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to tear me apart. I've... It's been a gradual

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ramp up in intensity in my emotional Disturbance

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for the past couple months, maybe like six months

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where Over the past six months. I had gradually

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cared more and more about the view count because

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that would basically confirm What I'm doing like

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it would basically give me reassurance that I

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Can make this a career now in theory. I know

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I can make this a career, but in practice I Have

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not made it a career yet so that Reassurance

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has become even more important to me over the

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past six months especially because For the past

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six months. I have started. I've really gotten

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a lot better like suit like I Think it's safe

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to say that my videos have gotten a lot better

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now I do look at the numbers and the numbers

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show that They really haven't got that much better

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like my retention which is how long people people

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watch the video for I'm getting like 18 % retention

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like that's absolutely awful And so if I can

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figure out how to make that higher and have bigger

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or have more retention, then I feel like my videos

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would be considered a lot better. But also just

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my, if you look at my thumbnails, like my thumbnails

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have just gotten so much better. And maybe that's

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just, maybe that's what it is. Maybe my thumbnails

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have gotten better, but my videos have not necessarily

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gotten better. I don't know. I definitely think

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that my videos and my thumbnails have gotten

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better, but the views don't suggest that. And

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now they're, I don't even, I don't know. I'm

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way too early in my journey to be able to say

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like, oh, a good video will get this much views

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or that video will get that much views. Yeah.

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I don't know anything like that. I'm no, I'm

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no YouTube expert. I'm just trying to figure

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this thing out so I can. Well right now my main

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focus is making this a career because that's

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the main Like that's my main Micro focus the

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macro focus is still there like making transformational

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videos and that's like the That's that's overarching

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goal, but in the short term I would like to You

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know make this a career Now another thing I want

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to talk about was I've noticed for the past Couple

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I don't know. I haven't watched the any other

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episode in a while. I I always watch the past

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episode on this podcast Re -listen to it right

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before I start recording so I listened to last

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month, which was March just now and I noticed

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that I have been really tense lately in my talking.

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I'm not sure if I'm doing it right now. I'm kind

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of trying to be a little bit more calm and loose.

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But I noticed over the past couple months, I

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have become super tense. For example, very often,

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or not very often, but for example, for a long

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time, I would always go on like super long. super

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long runs of talking. And I would just explain

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things and talk about this, that, this. And these

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episodes would be like 45 minutes, 50 minutes

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long. And then something happened. And I like

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the episodes dropped down to like 15 minutes,

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10 minutes long. And I have a theory that it's

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because my confidence has absolutely plummeted.

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And I think it's related to the learning curve.

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The learning curve is where initially you have

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like that big surge of confidence where like

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oh I can do this but you realize very soon after

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that oh yeah no I cannot do this and and that's

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like the difference between not knowing what

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you don't know you don't know what you don't

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know and then once you hit a certain point you

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actually know what you don't know but you don't

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know it. Like, you know that you have to do this,

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but you don't know how to do this. And that's

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where you start to get all the negative feelings,

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you lose your confidence. But then, gradually,

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you start to learn how to do this. So then, eventually,

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you reach the point where you know what you need,

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like you know what you know, but you also know

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how to do that. I don't know if that makes sense,

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but I think that's kind of what I've been experiencing

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where I realized that I actually really don't

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know much on YouTube and There's another idea

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that's been rummaging throughout my head where

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YouTube isn't yes YouTube is like a Game and

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it's lots of rules like rules meaning good idea

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good packaging and good intro Like, those are

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the most important things if you want to get

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a successful video. But I think there's another

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piece to the puzzle. Well, I mean, this is a

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part of the YouTube game. But a very big part

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of it is who you are. And you can become somebody,

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and that will make you more effective at YouTube.

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For example, let's say person A is kind of a

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nobody. and then person B is a very charismatic,

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very magnetic personality. And they both start

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a YouTube channel with the same exact skills.

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Like neither of them is better than the other.

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Person B is gonna be way more successful. Like

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person B is probably gonna get views very quickly.

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That and person a is gonna struggle for years

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and then he's gonna have to become somebody over

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a very long process of years and then eventually

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we'll get views and I think that like who you

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are plays a big part to the YouTube game and

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You can become somebody Like you can become more

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potent of a character on YouTube. It just takes

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like a lot of time or maybe not necessarily time,

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but it just takes a lot of work, a lot of personal

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development. And how this connects to me losing

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my confidence, it's because for a while I was

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like, okay, I know this, this, this, this. But

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then I realized I lost my confidence for the

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past couple of months, and I've been really tense,

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not really wanting to teach, or not necessarily

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teach, but not really wanting to share what I've

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learned, because I don't feel like I've really

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deserved it. And this is where it ties, because

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if I were to become successful right now, let's

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just say arbitrarily, success means like, I get

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like a million subscribers in the next like three

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months. That's like a super hyper like that's

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extreme example. But let's say for example sake,

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that's what happens. I become successful. And

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then in three months, I go on a podcast on somebody

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else's podcast, like some YouTube expert invites

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me to their podcast and we talk. My how I Communicate

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my YouTube knowledge will be significantly different

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if I had a million subscribers Then if I still

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had 400 subscribers like I do now Even if my

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skills and YouTube knowledge were the same so

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this goes back to the person a person B if I

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split into two if like if the world's or if we

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were able to see two different parallel worlds

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where I in one world am this super charismatic

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person and that's person B and in another world

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I'm this I'm who I am now which I Am obviously

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not charismatic enough to get million subscribers

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yet, but just for example sake right now, I'm

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400 subscribers person a and then in another

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parallel world My same self who's way more charismatic

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same amount of skills though Gets 300 or it gets

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3 million subscribers the difference in my communication

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between the two if if both people were invited

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to a podcast like let's say theoretically some

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YouTube expert invited me with 400 subscribers

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to a podcast like the the conversation we would

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have and my Confidence level would be so different

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even if you take the charisma out of the equation

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even if person B was able to like Level his charisma

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just for that podcast episode down to my level

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the I Would be The communication I would have

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so different for example right now if I was invited

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to a podcast I would kind of be like oh, yeah

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packaging idea first 30 seconds I would be like

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reiterating basically what I've heard online

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but I would also be like yeah but I don't really

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know anything like I don't know what I'm talking

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about obviously because I have 400 subscribers

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but if I was person B and I was invited to a

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podcast with the same amount of skills I have

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now my response would be like okay yeah definitely

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first 30 seconds Packaging idea like I would

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literally be super confident. I would be like

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you have this this this and I think that has

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a big role in lots of YouTube advice because

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your perception of your Kind of rules or jargon

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or whatever it is Your equation that you follow

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Will be different the moment you hit some success

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like the moment I hit a Million views or something

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like that or a hundred thousand views then I'll

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be like, oh yeah, like that's like I Don't know

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like I'll view myself as more of an expert if

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that makes sense But I don't know if that's necessarily

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a good thing or a bad thing, because they could

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have the same amount of skills. I don't know.

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Status plays a huge role in the YouTube advice

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game. Because YouTube is really a status game.

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It's all about numbers. That was kind of like

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just an idea I had so another Thing I want to

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talk about is my ideas. I've been really For

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the past like two Or no for the past month. I've

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been like falling apart. I'm not even a lot I

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talked about I mentioned it last month episode

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where I started watching more YouTube I started

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eating more often like instead of having just

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three meals a day I would have like four or five

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meals a day and I had valid reasons for both

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of those changes. The meals was because I was

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having lots of like stomach issues so I changed

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to eating more often instead of eating huge meals

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and that helped. And then the YouTube was I have

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this thing where I like to I lean into what I'm

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naturally inclined to do. For example, the most

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potent example is when I wanted to learn how

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to play the piano. That was such a huge random

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change and I leaned into it and I'm so grateful

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that I did that. And so that's what I do. I always

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like to lean into that internal compass. And

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so one thing I realized was I was leaning into

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YouTube, wanting to watch more YouTube. And it's

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not necessarily because my addiction was talking.

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No, I'd basically conquered that. I'd conquered

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that for a year, or even longer, I bet. But it

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was actually because your the ideas you're exposed

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to is like your fuel and I was having My fuel

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was like running dry I was making all these self

00:16:41.419 --> 00:16:43.820
-improvement YouTube videos, and I was watching

00:16:43.820 --> 00:16:47.600
self -improvement youtubers, but then I completely

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shifted and started making more Entertainment

00:16:52.980 --> 00:16:58.360
based videos and Didn't really I for the past

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year. I haven't really been watching entertainment

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videos, so I needed to like get a bunch of ideas

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and fuel and watch like see what was going on

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and Like that's legitimately what you're supposed

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to do because I mean not legitimately There's

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no legit thing that you're supposed to do, but

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that's what like most YouTube Books that I've

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read, that's what all the art books I've read,

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creativity books, it's basically what everyone

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recommends. Like, you should consume the media

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that you're trying to produce. Like, consume

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people doing, like, try and get inspired, basically.

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And that connects so perfectly to this idea,

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this belief, this thought pattern that I've had

00:17:45.819 --> 00:17:51.480
for... past many years, where there's this thought

00:17:51.480 --> 00:17:58.980
pattern that grew in my mind. And it was how

00:17:58.980 --> 00:18:02.079
consuming content is bad, and you should feel

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guilty about it. And the majority of the time

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that I had that belief, it served me. It actually

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helped me to go on a super long, like, Whatever

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dopamine fast I never called it that but that's

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like the best way to describe it Basically like

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not watching any content for like a year or two

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years. I don't even know how long I did it for

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but Just watching like hams of videos like unscripted

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hams and stuff like that that Definitely served

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me and that was definitely a very critical period

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in my life, but then now that I I'm doing something

00:18:44.349 --> 00:18:46.589
that that doesn't serve me. It doesn't make sense

00:18:46.589 --> 00:18:51.670
to hold that belief anymore and Jimmy Donaldson

00:18:51.670 --> 00:18:54.150
Mr. Beast he explained it so perfectly I was

00:18:54.150 --> 00:18:59.569
reading his pamphlet it's a little book that

00:18:59.569 --> 00:19:07.549
he gives to new employees in his Company his

00:19:07.549 --> 00:19:12.250
production company and He explains this concept

00:19:12.250 --> 00:19:16.849
of the information diet. So basically, how I

00:19:16.849 --> 00:19:22.730
learned the information diet was whatever your

00:19:22.730 --> 00:19:25.289
goal, like whatever, you should only consume

00:19:25.289 --> 00:19:27.930
things that directly relate to your immediate

00:19:27.930 --> 00:19:32.630
goal. And I interpreted that by just completely

00:19:32.630 --> 00:19:37.420
deleting all social media, deleting all. YouTube,

00:19:37.579 --> 00:19:39.900
like not watching YouTube, not watching any entertainment,

00:19:40.099 --> 00:19:44.880
no Netflix, no nothing. No consumption at all.

00:19:45.700 --> 00:19:48.680
And that basically did help with my goal, which

00:19:48.680 --> 00:19:53.680
was just like getting everything solid, like

00:19:53.680 --> 00:19:58.180
getting my health, physique, business, getting

00:19:58.180 --> 00:20:00.299
all my habits solid, getting everything solid

00:20:00.299 --> 00:20:03.779
with no distractions. But then I forgot about

00:20:03.779 --> 00:20:05.700
the information diet, like how you're supposed

00:20:05.700 --> 00:20:10.839
to consume based off of your goal. And then it

00:20:10.839 --> 00:20:13.559
changed to where the information diet is just

00:20:13.559 --> 00:20:17.700
eliminating all consumption. And so that was

00:20:17.700 --> 00:20:20.559
my internal definition for the information diet,

00:20:20.880 --> 00:20:23.660
just eliminating all consumption. Because that

00:20:23.660 --> 00:20:28.400
was basically how it was, because my goal required

00:20:28.400 --> 00:20:30.960
that. Or not necessarily required that, but my

00:20:30.960 --> 00:20:35.319
goal said that that was good. But then my goal

00:20:35.319 --> 00:20:41.420
changed and my journey I like I've gone through

00:20:41.420 --> 00:20:45.799
a lot more stages through my my journey in life.

00:20:45.799 --> 00:20:49.400
And so now I've gotten to the point where I have

00:20:49.400 --> 00:20:53.180
to I was reading the pamphlet that Mr. Beast

00:20:53.180 --> 00:20:59.700
wrote and it was and he explained how there's

00:20:59.700 --> 00:21:03.880
a guy on his In his videos named Chris. He is

00:21:03.880 --> 00:21:07.859
super funny Why because he just watches like

00:21:07.859 --> 00:21:12.019
cartoons like spongebob and cartoons And so he

00:21:12.019 --> 00:21:14.339
that's his information diet and that helps him

00:21:14.339 --> 00:21:17.700
to be funny But then he described how that wouldn't

00:21:17.700 --> 00:21:20.700
necessarily be beneficial for like a creative

00:21:20.700 --> 00:21:24.599
who needs to create YouTube videos It would actually

00:21:24.599 --> 00:21:27.400
probably be harmful. You need to be consuming

00:21:27.400 --> 00:21:30.500
stuff that would help you with that and that

00:21:30.700 --> 00:21:34.420
It was like, oh wow, that's exactly what I need

00:21:34.420 --> 00:21:40.640
at this moment because I need to start watching

00:21:40.640 --> 00:21:43.059
YouTube videos. I need to start watching YouTube

00:21:43.059 --> 00:21:47.519
videos of people doing things that will inspire

00:21:47.519 --> 00:21:50.759
me and that I can take inspiration from for my

00:21:50.759 --> 00:21:55.019
own videos. And so that's my information diet.

00:21:55.400 --> 00:21:59.660
and it's worked so well. Another example is in

00:21:59.660 --> 00:22:03.339
composing. When I just read a Reddit post the

00:22:03.339 --> 00:22:06.859
other day, it was someone said, half of composing

00:22:06.859 --> 00:22:11.299
is just finding bits and pieces from other songs

00:22:11.299 --> 00:22:13.380
and putting it into your own song. So basically

00:22:13.380 --> 00:22:15.740
whenever you get stuck, you just go listen to

00:22:15.740 --> 00:22:18.819
a bunch of music and then return and you'll,

00:22:19.000 --> 00:22:21.720
99 % of the time, you'll have an idea on how

00:22:21.720 --> 00:22:26.160
to continue. And that is So true because that's

00:22:26.160 --> 00:22:28.420
what I always do I I always get stuck and then

00:22:28.420 --> 00:22:30.759
I'm like let me just watch or let me just listen

00:22:30.759 --> 00:22:33.519
to like a bunch of film scores listen to like

00:22:33.519 --> 00:22:36.700
this specific type of music and I return and

00:22:36.700 --> 00:22:41.880
I'm always up and running so that's the information

00:22:41.880 --> 00:22:46.539
diet and why I brought this up was because I

00:22:46.539 --> 00:22:49.500
had had this belief in my idea that all consumption

00:22:49.500 --> 00:22:52.900
is bad and that you should feel guilt around

00:22:52.900 --> 00:22:56.299
it. And that's partly because I basically became

00:22:56.299 --> 00:22:59.980
a guru, a self -improvement guru on my YouTube

00:22:59.980 --> 00:23:06.099
channel for like a year and a half where I saw

00:23:06.099 --> 00:23:09.859
myself as a self -improvement YouTuber. That's

00:23:09.859 --> 00:23:11.559
a tricky act. That's actually tricky because

00:23:11.559 --> 00:23:13.940
I don't even know if I saw myself as a self -improvement

00:23:13.940 --> 00:23:18.359
YouTuber. on paper, I definitely was a self -approving

00:23:18.359 --> 00:23:21.359
YouTuber. And I would make videos like, YouTube

00:23:21.359 --> 00:23:24.180
sucks, get off now, you should read. And that

00:23:24.180 --> 00:23:29.039
was simply because that was my definition of

00:23:29.039 --> 00:23:32.299
the information diet, because I had my own goal,

00:23:32.299 --> 00:23:37.059
but I forgot that the definition was related

00:23:37.059 --> 00:23:40.240
to the goal and not just the action of reducing.

00:23:40.940 --> 00:23:43.319
I basically forgot that other people had different

00:23:43.319 --> 00:23:50.279
goals. That's essentially it. So now I have this

00:23:50.279 --> 00:23:54.420
belief where I feel guilty about watching YouTube

00:23:54.420 --> 00:23:58.900
videos. But slowly but surely, I've been overcoming

00:23:58.900 --> 00:24:07.019
that belief and changing it. And yeah, that's

00:24:07.019 --> 00:24:09.700
basically it, honestly. That's the entire month.

00:24:11.279 --> 00:24:17.220
What I'm working on now is I Don't even know

00:24:17.220 --> 00:24:22.079
I Feel like for my YouTube channel. I feel like

00:24:22.079 --> 00:24:28.660
there is definitely something That I can Okay,

00:24:28.680 --> 00:24:30.779
here's here's been my philosophy. I don't even

00:24:30.779 --> 00:24:34.619
know if this is a dangerous philosophy, but People

00:24:34.619 --> 00:24:36.880
say like oh, you're one video away. You're one

00:24:36.880 --> 00:24:41.490
funnel away And I've really started to take that

00:24:41.490 --> 00:24:43.990
extremely seriously lately. Especially because

00:24:43.990 --> 00:24:45.930
I've gotten to the point where I actually do

00:24:45.930 --> 00:24:48.589
think that my videos have the potential to be

00:24:48.589 --> 00:24:51.650
watched. Even though they have like 20 % retention,

00:24:52.309 --> 00:24:58.349
I think that my videos could have 100 ,000 views.

00:24:59.390 --> 00:25:03.900
Maybe not my... Current videos, but I think that

00:25:03.900 --> 00:25:06.059
like my next video could have a hundred thousand

00:25:06.059 --> 00:25:08.839
views and I'm saying that arbitrarily not necessarily

00:25:08.839 --> 00:25:10.740
because I believe my next video will have a hundred

00:25:10.740 --> 00:25:14.799
thousand views but like for the past like ten

00:25:14.799 --> 00:25:18.299
videos Especially since I learned how to make

00:25:18.299 --> 00:25:22.359
music I've always I've had this super strong

00:25:22.359 --> 00:25:25.319
belief or my next video I could definitely get

00:25:25.319 --> 00:25:26.920
a hundred thousand views and I don't know if

00:25:26.920 --> 00:25:29.420
that's been very beneficial for me one because

00:25:29.420 --> 00:25:34.029
it's I've gotten a lot more impatient, and I've

00:25:34.029 --> 00:25:36.630
gotten a lot more results -driven, which I think

00:25:36.630 --> 00:25:39.569
results are important, because if you're not

00:25:39.569 --> 00:25:42.269
having results, then what are you doing? But

00:25:42.269 --> 00:25:49.589
it's also making me spend a lot more time on

00:25:49.589 --> 00:25:52.990
certain things. For example, I spend a lot more

00:25:52.990 --> 00:25:57.160
time on coming up with the idea, but... Then

00:25:57.160 --> 00:25:58.859
once I have a good idea, I'm like, oh shoot,

00:25:59.019 --> 00:26:01.099
this idea is about to blow up. Like this is a

00:26:01.099 --> 00:26:03.539
viral idea. And so I have to come, I have to

00:26:03.539 --> 00:26:05.359
spend a lot more time on literally everything

00:26:05.359 --> 00:26:08.500
else in the process, which could be a good thing

00:26:08.500 --> 00:26:11.299
because I'm still like improving during that.

00:26:12.180 --> 00:26:14.420
But I don't know if it's, I'm learning as quick

00:26:14.420 --> 00:26:18.099
as I could be. I don't know. But basically I'm

00:26:18.099 --> 00:26:22.019
kind of just grooving along and posing like twice

00:26:22.019 --> 00:26:27.240
a month, super infrequently, but. I'm working

00:26:27.240 --> 00:26:29.680
basically every day. I'm working on these videos

00:26:29.680 --> 00:26:33.339
every day. That's basically it. Peace.