Practice #4 - I am Embarrassed About my YouTube Channel

1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,000 I've been lying to myself. Over the past couple months, I've been lying to myself every single day. 2 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:14,720 It all started when I began my podcast over maybe four months ago. Over the summer, I started my 3 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:24,160 podcast and I'd never wanted to tell my parents about it until I was successful on it. And so for 4 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:31,760 over 20 days, I believe, I kept it a secret and my parents never found out. And the only reason why 5 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:40,000 my mom found out was because I bought a subscription to a podcast editing software, 6 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:49,760 which was called Podcastle. And she has access to my receipts and she saw that I bought something 7 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:55,200 from Podcastle. So she was like, oh, you got a podcast? And inevitably I was like, yes. 8 00:00:56,240 --> 00:01:02,000 And I ended up telling them, but I never wanted them to listen to the videos. I said, 9 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:08,240 but you're not allowed to listen to any of the videos until one year, until I get to episode 10 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:16,000 365. Because at the time I was doing daily uploads. And the thing about that was at the time I was 11 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:25,760 lying to myself and I didn't realize it. I always like to keep quiet when I do new things. So I never 12 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:32,400 really told people my plans or at least I didn't tell people of the things that I was doing right 13 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:38,560 now, at least until it was a habit. So I did this when I started going to the gym. I didn't really 14 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:44,160 tell people that I was waking up at five in the morning to go to the gym at six before school, 15 00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:50,160 until it was a habit and I was sustainable and I was actually doing it like every day. 16 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:57,520 All right. I was consistent at it. And it was the same thing with the podcast. I never told anyone. 17 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:02,640 And the only reason why my parents found out was because of that story I told you. 18 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:14,400 And then flash forward to today, actually a couple days ago, I had a instance where I had to show 19 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:21,440 my mom a YouTube video that I made because it had something to do with her and I didn't want to post 20 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:29,600 it without her seeing it. And so I ended up showing her the video. And then that was the first time 21 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:37,120 that I'd ever shown one of my parents anything that I've recorded. And I believe it was the first 22 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:44,320 time they've ever seen anything that I've recorded. And I didn't realize what I was doing beforehand. 23 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:53,120 I just wanted to show her because the video had something to do with not even her, but had something 24 00:02:53,120 --> 00:03:00,480 to do with parents in general. And then I showed her the video and then afterwards I realized 25 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:06,320 what I did. I showed her the video and it didn't kill me. It was not the end of the world. I had 26 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:14,000 become so embarrassed about my YouTube channel, about my podcast. I was embarrassed about my 27 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:18,720 YouTube channel. The very thing that I was working on, I was embarrassed about my podcast. 28 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:28,000 And not just with my parents, with all my friends, any person at school, if they asked me what I was 29 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:34,400 doing or what I planned to do after I graduated or what I was like, whatever, what I was working on, 30 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:41,360 I would never answer honestly. I would always just say, I don't know, or I'm working on a business. 31 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:47,040 And then if they pride more and asked for more, I would just say, I don't know, I'm figuring 32 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:52,880 things out. But the truth is this whole time I've been working on a podcast, but I was embarrassed 33 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:58,400 to talk about it. I'm embarrassed to talk to my friends. And it wasn't until today that I realized 34 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:03,200 that I realized that I'm embarrassed to talk about my podcast. I'm embarrassed to talk about 35 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:12,960 my YouTube. Why am I embarrassed to talk about this? So what I realized is, or what I ended up doing 36 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:18,560 today was I allowed both my parents to watch or listen to any of the videos that I made. 37 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:25,920 And it was not the end of the world. Nothing happened. Like it was just normal. And now, 38 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:32,240 when people ask, I'm not going to go out of my way to tell people, but when people ask, 39 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:35,680 I'm going to tell them the truth about what I'm doing. I'm going to tell them 40 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:40,400 that I'm that I have a YouTube channel. I'm going to tell them that I have a podcast. 41 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:50,320 Because it's time to stop being ashamed of what I'm doing. Why am I ashamed of this? This is 42 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:55,280 what I'm working on. And this is what I'm excited about. Why am I ashamed to tell people? 43 00:04:57,120 --> 00:05:03,120 And that's another thing I don't think that I can be successful at it. I don't think I can be 44 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:08,880 successful at being a YouTuber. If I'm not even a YouTuber, if I don't even tell people what I'm 45 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:14,080 doing, if I don't even if I'm too embarrassed to talk about my channel, how can I expect it to do 46 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:19,280 good? How can I expect to be successful? How can I expect to have the right mindset as a YouTuber 47 00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:25,920 if I'm too embarrassed to talk about it? And one of the other lies that I told myself 48 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:34,320 in regards to telling my friends at school, what I'm working on is because I didn't want them to 49 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:42,560 be surprised or I didn't want a big conversation and I didn't really want to have a really long 50 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:50,400 conversation of them interrogating me. But what I realized is it's because I'm too scared of them 51 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:55,440 judging me. Why am I scared of them judging me? Because I'm ashamed of the podcast. I'm ashamed 52 00:05:55,440 --> 00:06:02,000 of the YouTube. So that's holding me back. I am no longer ashamed of my YouTube channel. I am proud 53 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:09,040 of my YouTube channel. I'm happy with what I'm doing. And when people ask me, I tell them now. 54 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:33,120 I tell the truth. I tell people what I'm doing. No more lies. No more lies.