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Sept. 4, 2024
September 2024 Monthly Update
I'm broken.
Transcript
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I'm not tracking my subscriber count anymore. I am focusing now on
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Only my video quality nothing else matters and
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The reason why I sound a little down right now is because I am down. I am extremely down. I am broken. I
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Think that there's something fundamentally wrong with the way I live life and the way
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the
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our society
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Lives and I am reading a book about it right now
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And it's basically putting into words a lot of the things that I have
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vaguely understood
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last month I talked about how I got really angry at
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seeing
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This type of lifestyle a mediocrity meet that that's what I call a mediocre lifestyle
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and that's because I used to live that lifestyle and I realized that it sucked and
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I have improved my life, but I still see other people
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Especially people I'm close to living that lifestyle and it gets to me but I
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Think that I was actually just
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I'm actually angry at that stuff
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out of ignorance
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because
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Yes, that lifestyle is terrible. It's just it's a fact
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There is no way around it that lifestyle leaves a hole in your heart
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but on
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the other hand my lifestyle is still leaving a hole in my heart and I don't know why and
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the tricky thing here is that I
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Have no one to talk to about this because no one knows
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No one even wants to learn about this and there's no mentor available for me to learn about this stuff
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What I'm talking about is called the Ascent of Humanity
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It's a book called it's a book written by Charles Eisenstein and it's completely free online
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if you want to go look for it he put it up on his website and
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that book I
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am only halfway through and
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the reason why I started reading it was because a
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Long time ago. I read a book called reality Transurfing and it completely changed the way I see my
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Though I completely changed the way I see the world. It completely changed my life and I never went back
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I I could never go back after you learn something you can't go back and
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and this kind of book really
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sent me on a path to search for more and more things because that book
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Showed me a sliver of the truth and it exposed a lot of the lies that I've been living all my life
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and a lot of the lies that our society teaches us and
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I was in my search for more books like that. I found a website called the most beautiful world and
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It's a website by this guy named Jean Pasco reman and
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One part of the website that I found was his reading list
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And it's called the ultimate reading list for human beings
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It's like a little blog post and he explained that
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You are God
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literally
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not some woo-woo stuff, but literally God and if you are a Christian and
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You are getting a little nervous about what I'm saying
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Well, I mean I used to be I grew up in a Christian household
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I grew up going to church and I felt empty
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talking about some abstract God and
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I've gotten a lot of value and
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I've started to learn a lot more things. I find that people who are
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intolerant to
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a
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God other than the one they believe in is simply out of ignorance just like how I'm ignorant to literally everything in life
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And it makes me angry
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but
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People who are angry at that
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A lot of times they don't even care about searching for the truth
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but
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I've been reading these kinds of books and
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in his blog post of the
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Ultimate reading list for human beings
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He explained that and I was instantly caught my attention
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Because I knew that there was definitely something wrong with the way Christians see the world or at least modern-day Christians
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Maybe not Jesus's teachings, but who I don't even know if Jesus's teachings have gotten have reached
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modern-day Christianity because a lot of the sources that I've learned from say otherwise, but
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basically I
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Knew that there was something wrong with Christianities teachings because I it left me feeling
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like helpless it left me feeling just not like a human and
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This reading list he said that the first book you should read is
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Transurfing and I already read Transurfing and I thought it completely changed my life
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So if he's recommending that book as the first book and that's basically the foundation to the rest of the reading list
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Well, then the rest of the reading list is probably me really good
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So I bought the first seven books on that reading list and followed his reading method
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This was maybe eight months ago that I did this I followed his reading method of
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Reading seven books at once you basically pick up one book read until you lose focus and then switch to the next book
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And then repeat and then you're able to read in theory a book a day using that method
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So I tried it and I completely failed. I was not able to read a book a day. In fact, it was
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It just seemed way
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worse of an experience reading
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using that method
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So I actually
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Stopped reading all those books put them all up in the attic
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Except for his book Jean Pascal Riemann's book called Dancing After the Music Stops and I read that book
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Amazing book and then I kind of put all that stuff away for a while and just focused on my YouTube channel
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And then recently I needed a book because I was going on vacation
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I was gonna finish the book that I planned on reading at vacation too early
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So I brought this book the Ascent of Humanity which was
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The third book on his reading list and he said that that's the foundation to the truth
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It basically gives you a like the whole foundation to learning the truth because he said that the greatest sin against
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Humanity is not the school system not the 40 hour work week. Those are both tarot very wrong things
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but the greatest sin against humanity is
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The lie that you can never learn the truth
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But he said that you can learn the truth through books and I am trusting him on that for now
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and
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Trying it for myself and so far it has worked reality
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Transurfing completely changed the way that I see the world changed the way that I live and also
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This book the Ascent of Humanity. I'm halfway through reading it right now and like I said, I am broken
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whenever I read a
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deeply
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Different book when I read reality transfer from for the first time it tore me apart
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I actually couldn't even read it fully on my own because it hurt it genuinely hurt
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It was painful to read it because it was telling me things that
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Went completely against the way that I thought the world worked and that's probably why most people will never
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Try to even learn any of the truth because they don't want to go through that pain
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They don't want to go through that suffering, but after I finished reading Transurfing. I'm so glad I did it
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It is so amazing. It's it's just I I cannot even comprehend going back to the life that I lived before
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Transurfing and now I'm reading the Ascent of Humanity and I'm suffering
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I'm going through the pain because this book is all about doom and gloom. It's exposing the reality, but I
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Heard that it's it leaves you feeling optimistic and it leaves you feeling inspired
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I read all the quotes of other people their reviews on the book and
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They said that it paints a dark picture of our reality, but it leaves you feeling inspired and hopeful and full I
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Have not gotten to the part of the book that leaves me feeling inspired and hopeful and full
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I've only read the doom and gloom the suffering the just terrible picture of the book and it makes me
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It makes me feel so much pain because it is exposing all the truths that I kind of
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vaguely
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Felt throughout my life, but I was never able to put my finger to it
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Maybe not throughout my life, but at least over the past couple years when I started to wake up to the
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terrible
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Reality of our world of our condition and I still don't even understand what I'm saying right now
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If you think that I know what I'm talking about you are deeply wrong. I have no clue what I'm saying
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I am 18 years old. I have I've read a couple books
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I have no idea what I'm saying, but I do know that it hurts to learn what I'm learning and
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I but I like it. I like it. I don't like I don't like
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Feeling the pain, but I like how I am learning stuff that people will never learn on their own and
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People are just gonna stay in the suffering in the misery and that's that's what I used to do and it sucked
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but I like how I'm
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I'm getting to a different level of being and
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This book is
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Putting me in I'm going through the phase where it's all just pain. It's all suffering
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But I
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Just want to get through this book. I want to get through this book so that I can focus on making better videos again and
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Put all my energy into making better videos
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And that's why I basically stopped
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Yesterday was the first day that I completely stopped the production of video creation
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I have one video called I
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Carved out a piece of nature for you and there's like five other titles of that video, but that video is gonna go up
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tomorrow right now is
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August 30th and tomorrow is
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the 31st Saturday of August and it's going up tomorrow, but I'm probably not gonna create another video at least until
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Potentially I get back from California
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and this is gonna be my first week in a long time that I miss and upload and
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It's it's hard because
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It's safe. It's gotten some point where it's actually safe for me to upload another video
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But I just I'm just so sick and tired of posting
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Garbage content. I'm so sick and tired of putting
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30 hours and 40 hours into a video and it getting 20 views. I'm so sick and tired of I
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literally came up with a thousand video ideas and
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I narrowed it down to the 20 best video ideas and I sent them to
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two people and only one idea was chosen by both of them as the best and you know what that idea
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You know how many views that video got
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I got 20 I got 20 views
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That's worse than the first video I ever made
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I'm that's it's this is not me quitting. This is not me
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This is just me getting pissed off at myself for accepting subpar
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content subpar quality and there's a quote how
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How Alex from Ozy said you're in a season of learning not earning the traditional
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the traditional
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pathway to success is to go to school college for four years and then oftentimes for an extra four years after that and
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Then you start earning money. You don't start earning money until you get a degree
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Which is a symbol of the fact that you learned stuff and
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And I've been trying to just
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Cash out now, which is why I completely cut out the course last month
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I was super thrilled with making my first dollar online
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And I'm glad I did that because that proved to me that you can't actually make money online
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I've heard that it's true. I've seen that it's true, but I never experienced the truth myself
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But now I know you can make money online, but I don't care anymore. I'm I
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tried to cash out too early and
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That's why I don't care about making money this morning someone said oh you got ads on your video now
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You're making money. No, I'm not making money
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Stop trying to stop focusing on the money. I hate when I get deluded by others people other people's
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stupid small worldview that makes me change my worldview and
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Look listen to how intolerant I am right now. I'm a broken person. I don't even the reason okay
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My issue right now is that I know that I'm broken
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I know that I'm intolerant and I know that I have so much self-importance
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But I don't know how to fix it and no one in no one around me knows what I'm experiencing and no one knows how to fix it
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but I stopped worrying about money and
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I'm focused on learning and that's what I'm saying is
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When I go through I'm going through a period where I don't care about producing content anymore because my YouTube mentor actually said that
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My execution on videos has gotten a thousand times better than it used to be in fact
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He actually alluded to
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Saying that his or my execution is actually better than what he could do with my style of content
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Now he makes completely different style of content. So obviously his execution is better than mine, but he alluded to
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Making me think that my execution is not the issue with my content
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Obviously, I still have work to do with the execution
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But the fact that I got 3,000 views on a video that I can definitely make a lot better now
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Shows that something is
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There's a different bottleneck that's holding me back than execution. Yes, my execution still needs work
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It will always need to improve
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But
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There's something different
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That focusing on that thing will improve my content
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so much more than
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Just worrying about execution, which is what I've been doing and that thing I believe is three things which is the idea and
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The packaging which inside the packaging is title and thumbnail. So the idea title and thumbnail and
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And the reason why I believe that is because my most viewed video was actually supposed to only get a hundred views
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but I changed the title and
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It got it ended up getting 3,000 views. It blew up because I changed the title
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but
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That doesn't always work because sometimes the idea is fundamentally flawed for example in
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This video that I just made
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Or the video that I posted was the ancient sorcerers method for infinite discipline that got 20 views
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20 views and I changed the title plenty of times and there are three different thumbnails
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So, I mean yes the thumbnail and the title could still be flawed because I didn't come up with a good one
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Which is another re another it proves my point that the idea title and thumbnail are all the things that I need to focus on right now
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Which is why I finish once I finish reading this book the Ascent of Humanity. I'm focusing on
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Learning YouTube because it takes four years for most people to start being able to earn money
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Four years to earn a degree to go to college or to go to get a job
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So who am I to think that I can start earning money right now?
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No, if if you are someone who is rooting for me and you think that I should be focusing on money
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Well, then that is just silly. That's so silly to me because I
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Was supposed to go down a traditional path where it would take me four years to start earning money
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Who am I to think that I can start earning money?
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Only one one year into this I should be in a classroom right now. It is Friday
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the
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at 9 a.m.
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Friday August 30th at 9 a.m. I should be sitting in a college
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Classroom a college lecture hall. I should be listening to a professor
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spew a bunch of information into my face
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For four more years before I start earning money. So who am I to think that I can start earning money today?
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No, I have to learn
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and another quote that proves this to me is a
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Microsoft executive was
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said that a
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Elite or not even elite but a professional expert level programmer is worth a
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Thousand times better or a thousand times more than an average programmer
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because of the quality of his ideas
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the
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expert the expert level programmer simply understands the thing better and comes up with better ideas a
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Lot of the YouTube gurus that I listen to they say that coming up with ideas is simply just a
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Quantity game you have to come up with so many ideas
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But I came up with a thousand ideas and you know how much views that got me
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20 20 views so that proved that in combination with the quote of the
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Expert programmer is worth a thousand times more that proves to me
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That is not just quantity of ideas because mr. Beese could take one look at my channel and come up with
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two ideas in the next 10 seconds and
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the worst idea of
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the worst idea
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would get a
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Million times more views than if I came up with a thousand ideas and chose the best one
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And my proof is that I got 20 views by doing just that and I'm sure mr. Beese since he has spent
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Hundred or put tens of thousands potentially hundreds. I don't even know if that's possible hundreds of thousands
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but he spent tens of thousands of hours studying YouTube and
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and working on YouTube that
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He is the equivalent of an expert programmer which makes him so much more valuable
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If I was able to use his brain for 10 seconds
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The ideas that I could extract from 10 seconds of his brain would be worth a
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billion times more than the ideas I could extract from my own brain in
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10 hours and
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Even 10 years from the this standpoint of where I'm at that's simply because he is better
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He's just better. He understands it more. He spent more time learning it. I've literally
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Barely ever studied YouTube only for a few hours a day for a spurts of a couple weeks at a time
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I've not really devoted that much effort or energy into studying or learning YouTube and
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And that's why I am not focused on earning money anymore or
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Producing videos anymore. Yes, I still should and I still will produce videos because
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You're simply not gonna learn just by studying you have to actually apply it, but
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There's an 80-20 rule I
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Have been going by the rule of
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spend 80% of your time
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Working on the thing and then only 20% of the time learning about the thing
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However, I want to swap it to its extreme. I want to spend not 80% of my time learning
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I want to spend the majority like 95% of my time learning about the thing because
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That's exactly what
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That's one thing that the school system probably got right the fact that you have to learn a bunch of stuff
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In order to actually produce something you have to actually become a professional in order to actually be a professional
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And I am no professional. I'm making YouTube videos that get 20 views and
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I just have to learn that's it
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Now I
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Am not advocating for the school system because it turns you into a factory worker
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That is literally the purpose of the school system. That's why it was created. That's Henry Ford and a few other people
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went through the trouble of
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Creating the school system education system so that they can get people to work a
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mindless tedious job like a factory job or even like a
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knowledge
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Like a classic H. Let's say for example like a classic HR
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Desk you sit at a desk and type all day or not even HR, but a classic office job
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You sit at a desk and type all day and do mundane activities all day
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They made the education system so that they could basically
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Chip away at our humanity so that we would be okay with spending 40 hours or 40 hours a week for 40 years
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doing that tedious thing, but if you
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actually knew
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what
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People know for example if you started reading books like
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Unscripted by MJ DeMarco and you read a book called reality
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Transurfing and you read a book called the Ascent of Humanity you would not accept that fate
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It's just a fact a the education system
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They teach you a book they teach you a very selective curriculum and look at me listen to me listen to the 18 year old kid
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Who's preaching about the education is a educational system? I have no idea what I'm talking about
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but
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Yeah, I don't even know what to talk about so don't even listen to me. I
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Am just checking my list
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Yeah, basically I think I got through everything I'm not focused on I'm not even gonna say how many subs I got because I
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Have gotten so hurt
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Over the past couple months or not the past couple months this past month
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I got so hurt that I did not gain as many subs as I thought I did. I'm pretty sure I gained six subscribers
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I got like that hurt me and that is so unacceptable to me because I'm literally focusing on the result
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Why would I care if I got six?
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Six subscribers when I was proud of getting 40 subscribers last month that is so ridiculous
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Especially because there are literally seven billion
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people on this planet and I care about a couple
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Ten I care about ten like even if I had millions of subscribers
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It would still be ridiculous to focus on the results
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I have become so deluded over the past month and honestly over the past couple years
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My entire life is just a delusion everything that I've believed in is just so
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Wrong so fundamentally wrong
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Everything if if I see myself as something separate from the universe
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The hunter-gatherers used to the hunter-gatherers see
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the world as sacred they see everything as sacred as
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They see if a hunter-gatherers wife
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Got sick he would go to the doctor and say I am sick
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Why not because he will get sick. That's that's our
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simpleton
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Observation that's our simple to observe
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interpretation of that event no he says that I am sick because
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He is his wife. He is the other he is everything
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What I mean by that is
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We are not just some individual and then everyone else is a other
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That's our simpleton. That's why we're so miserable in our society. That's why I'm miserable because I don't know others any other
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I don't know any other way of life other than that
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That's why it hurts so much reading these books because it's stripping every ounce of identity that I had for me
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And he hasn't given me a new one yet
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He hasn't given me a new identity to latch on to so or at least he said he he said that you're supposed to see yourself as
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One with nature like I am nature. I you're not some individual
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A separate from the universe you are the universe. That's so abstract to me
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I don't even understand what that means. I don't understand how to apply that which is why it's so painful to read these books
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but it just it makes so much sense to me when I'm reading his books why
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there's so much suffering in the world and
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a lot of people are gonna listen to this and they're gonna think that I have become deluded because there's a
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there's a there's a common thing amongst
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Religion of thinking that if anyone deviates from the norm which the norm is believing in
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God or believing in Jesus as the only God or I don't know what the norm is
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but if you deviate from whatever the
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Stated norm was if you deviate from what the authorities say is what you're supposed to believe in then people call you
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All kinds of strange things
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but the fact is that I used to be in that camp and I learned some things and so I kind of
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brushed away a little piece of my veil of ignorance and I've seen a brighter world on the other side and
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I
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Don't even know I'm gonna end the thing right now. I have no idea what I'm talking about
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I'm still trying to come up with what I'm still trying to figure out
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What this is I'm still trying to figure out what I'm even talking about. I'm trying to figure out what what life is why
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Everyone is so miserable why I'm still miserable even though not I'm not miserable. There's no here's one thing I
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was miserable
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spending hours every day doing entertainment. I am not miserable anymore a couple months ago. I was
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Extremely happy. I was humming. I was singing. I was super
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Happy, but now I'm just kind of neutral. I'm not I'm not miserable to where I was with
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Entertainment because entertainment is literally the worst thing
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humanity has invented and I'm not talking about
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Olden days entertainment. I'm talking about how we literally know ourselves and turn off our brain the very notion of
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entertainment is a good entertaining piece of content is
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Supposed to distract yourself from your reality. That's why people call some movies good
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That's why you recommend a great movie because it basically turned off your brain and you were able to completely
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Immers yourself into that experience. That is so evil
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And I don't know why but I think that there's something wrong because I used to watch entertainment all the time and listen to that stuff
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and it left me feeling
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Genuinely hurt
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But I've seen what there could be on the other side for a brief moment of time
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and I
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Don't know how to get back to it currently, but I'm on a quest to get back to it
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I'm not sure what I'm even saying. Goodbye. I
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I'm not tracking my subscriber count anymore. I am focusing now on
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Only my video quality nothing else matters and
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The reason why I sound a little down right now is because I am down. I am extremely down. I am broken. I
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Think that there's something fundamentally wrong with the way I live life and the way
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the
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our society
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Lives and I am reading a book about it right now
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And it's basically putting into words a lot of the things that I have
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vaguely understood
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last month I talked about how I got really angry at
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seeing
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This type of lifestyle a mediocrity meet that that's what I call a mediocre lifestyle
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and that's because I used to live that lifestyle and I realized that it sucked and
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I have improved my life, but I still see other people
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Especially people I'm close to living that lifestyle and it gets to me but I
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Think that I was actually just
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I'm actually angry at that stuff
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out of ignorance
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because
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Yes, that lifestyle is terrible. It's just it's a fact
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There is no way around it that lifestyle leaves a hole in your heart
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but on
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the other hand my lifestyle is still leaving a hole in my heart and I don't know why and
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the tricky thing here is that I
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Have no one to talk to about this because no one knows
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No one even wants to learn about this and there's no mentor available for me to learn about this stuff
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What I'm talking about is called the Ascent of Humanity
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It's a book called it's a book written by Charles Eisenstein and it's completely free online
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if you want to go look for it he put it up on his website and
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that book I
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am only halfway through and
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the reason why I started reading it was because a
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Long time ago. I read a book called reality Transurfing and it completely changed the way I see my
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Though I completely changed the way I see the world. It completely changed my life and I never went back
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I I could never go back after you learn something you can't go back and
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and this kind of book really
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sent me on a path to search for more and more things because that book
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Showed me a sliver of the truth and it exposed a lot of the lies that I've been living all my life
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and a lot of the lies that our society teaches us and
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I was in my search for more books like that. I found a website called the most beautiful world and
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It's a website by this guy named Jean Pasco reman and
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One part of the website that I found was his reading list
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And it's called the ultimate reading list for human beings
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It's like a little blog post and he explained that
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You are God
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literally
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not some woo-woo stuff, but literally God and if you are a Christian and
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You are getting a little nervous about what I'm saying
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Well, I mean I used to be I grew up in a Christian household
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I grew up going to church and I felt empty
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talking about some abstract God and
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I've gotten a lot of value and
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I've started to learn a lot more things. I find that people who are
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intolerant to
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a
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God other than the one they believe in is simply out of ignorance just like how I'm ignorant to literally everything in life
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And it makes me angry
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but
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People who are angry at that
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A lot of times they don't even care about searching for the truth
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but
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I've been reading these kinds of books and
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in his blog post of the
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Ultimate reading list for human beings
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He explained that and I was instantly caught my attention
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Because I knew that there was definitely something wrong with the way Christians see the world or at least modern-day Christians
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Maybe not Jesus's teachings, but who I don't even know if Jesus's teachings have gotten have reached
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modern-day Christianity because a lot of the sources that I've learned from say otherwise, but
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basically I
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Knew that there was something wrong with Christianities teachings because I it left me feeling
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like helpless it left me feeling just not like a human and
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This reading list he said that the first book you should read is
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Transurfing and I already read Transurfing and I thought it completely changed my life
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So if he's recommending that book as the first book and that's basically the foundation to the rest of the reading list
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Well, then the rest of the reading list is probably me really good
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So I bought the first seven books on that reading list and followed his reading method
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This was maybe eight months ago that I did this I followed his reading method of
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Reading seven books at once you basically pick up one book read until you lose focus and then switch to the next book
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And then repeat and then you're able to read in theory a book a day using that method
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So I tried it and I completely failed. I was not able to read a book a day. In fact, it was
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It just seemed way
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worse of an experience reading
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using that method
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So I actually
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Stopped reading all those books put them all up in the attic
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Except for his book Jean Pascal Riemann's book called Dancing After the Music Stops and I read that book
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Amazing book and then I kind of put all that stuff away for a while and just focused on my YouTube channel
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And then recently I needed a book because I was going on vacation
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I was gonna finish the book that I planned on reading at vacation too early
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So I brought this book the Ascent of Humanity which was
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The third book on his reading list and he said that that's the foundation to the truth
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It basically gives you a like the whole foundation to learning the truth because he said that the greatest sin against
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Humanity is not the school system not the 40 hour work week. Those are both tarot very wrong things
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but the greatest sin against humanity is
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The lie that you can never learn the truth
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But he said that you can learn the truth through books and I am trusting him on that for now
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and
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Trying it for myself and so far it has worked reality
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Transurfing completely changed the way that I see the world changed the way that I live and also
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This book the Ascent of Humanity. I'm halfway through reading it right now and like I said, I am broken
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whenever I read a
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deeply
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Different book when I read reality transfer from for the first time it tore me apart
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I actually couldn't even read it fully on my own because it hurt it genuinely hurt
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It was painful to read it because it was telling me things that
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Went completely against the way that I thought the world worked and that's probably why most people will never
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Try to even learn any of the truth because they don't want to go through that pain
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They don't want to go through that suffering, but after I finished reading Transurfing. I'm so glad I did it
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It is so amazing. It's it's just I I cannot even comprehend going back to the life that I lived before
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Transurfing and now I'm reading the Ascent of Humanity and I'm suffering
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I'm going through the pain because this book is all about doom and gloom. It's exposing the reality, but I
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Heard that it's it leaves you feeling optimistic and it leaves you feeling inspired
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I read all the quotes of other people their reviews on the book and
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They said that it paints a dark picture of our reality, but it leaves you feeling inspired and hopeful and full I
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Have not gotten to the part of the book that leaves me feeling inspired and hopeful and full
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I've only read the doom and gloom the suffering the just terrible picture of the book and it makes me
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It makes me feel so much pain because it is exposing all the truths that I kind of
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vaguely
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Felt throughout my life, but I was never able to put my finger to it
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Maybe not throughout my life, but at least over the past couple years when I started to wake up to the
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terrible
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Reality of our world of our condition and I still don't even understand what I'm saying right now
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If you think that I know what I'm talking about you are deeply wrong. I have no clue what I'm saying
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I am 18 years old. I have I've read a couple books
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I have no idea what I'm saying, but I do know that it hurts to learn what I'm learning and
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I but I like it. I like it. I don't like I don't like
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Feeling the pain, but I like how I am learning stuff that people will never learn on their own and
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People are just gonna stay in the suffering in the misery and that's that's what I used to do and it sucked
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but I like how I'm
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I'm getting to a different level of being and
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This book is
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Putting me in I'm going through the phase where it's all just pain. It's all suffering
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But I
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Just want to get through this book. I want to get through this book so that I can focus on making better videos again and
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Put all my energy into making better videos
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And that's why I basically stopped
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Yesterday was the first day that I completely stopped the production of video creation
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I have one video called I
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Carved out a piece of nature for you and there's like five other titles of that video, but that video is gonna go up
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tomorrow right now is
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August 30th and tomorrow is
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the 31st Saturday of August and it's going up tomorrow, but I'm probably not gonna create another video at least until
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Potentially I get back from California
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and this is gonna be my first week in a long time that I miss and upload and
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It's it's hard because
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It's safe. It's gotten some point where it's actually safe for me to upload another video
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But I just I'm just so sick and tired of posting
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Garbage content. I'm so sick and tired of putting
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30 hours and 40 hours into a video and it getting 20 views. I'm so sick and tired of I
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literally came up with a thousand video ideas and
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I narrowed it down to the 20 best video ideas and I sent them to
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two people and only one idea was chosen by both of them as the best and you know what that idea
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You know how many views that video got
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I got 20 I got 20 views
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That's worse than the first video I ever made
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I'm that's it's this is not me quitting. This is not me
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This is just me getting pissed off at myself for accepting subpar
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content subpar quality and there's a quote how
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How Alex from Ozy said you're in a season of learning not earning the traditional
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the traditional
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pathway to success is to go to school college for four years and then oftentimes for an extra four years after that and
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Then you start earning money. You don't start earning money until you get a degree
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Which is a symbol of the fact that you learned stuff and
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And I've been trying to just
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Cash out now, which is why I completely cut out the course last month
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I was super thrilled with making my first dollar online
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And I'm glad I did that because that proved to me that you can't actually make money online
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I've heard that it's true. I've seen that it's true, but I never experienced the truth myself
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But now I know you can make money online, but I don't care anymore. I'm I
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tried to cash out too early and
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That's why I don't care about making money this morning someone said oh you got ads on your video now
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You're making money. No, I'm not making money
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Stop trying to stop focusing on the money. I hate when I get deluded by others people other people's
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stupid small worldview that makes me change my worldview and
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Look listen to how intolerant I am right now. I'm a broken person. I don't even the reason okay
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My issue right now is that I know that I'm broken
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I know that I'm intolerant and I know that I have so much self-importance
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But I don't know how to fix it and no one in no one around me knows what I'm experiencing and no one knows how to fix it
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but I stopped worrying about money and
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I'm focused on learning and that's what I'm saying is
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When I go through I'm going through a period where I don't care about producing content anymore because my YouTube mentor actually said that
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My execution on videos has gotten a thousand times better than it used to be in fact
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He actually alluded to
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Saying that his or my execution is actually better than what he could do with my style of content
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Now he makes completely different style of content. So obviously his execution is better than mine, but he alluded to
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Making me think that my execution is not the issue with my content
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Obviously, I still have work to do with the execution
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But the fact that I got 3,000 views on a video that I can definitely make a lot better now
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Shows that something is
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There's a different bottleneck that's holding me back than execution. Yes, my execution still needs work
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It will always need to improve
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But
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There's something different
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That focusing on that thing will improve my content
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so much more than
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Just worrying about execution, which is what I've been doing and that thing I believe is three things which is the idea and
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The packaging which inside the packaging is title and thumbnail. So the idea title and thumbnail and
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And the reason why I believe that is because my most viewed video was actually supposed to only get a hundred views
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but I changed the title and
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It got it ended up getting 3,000 views. It blew up because I changed the title
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but
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That doesn't always work because sometimes the idea is fundamentally flawed for example in
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This video that I just made
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Or the video that I posted was the ancient sorcerers method for infinite discipline that got 20 views
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20 views and I changed the title plenty of times and there are three different thumbnails
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So, I mean yes the thumbnail and the title could still be flawed because I didn't come up with a good one
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Which is another re another it proves my point that the idea title and thumbnail are all the things that I need to focus on right now
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Which is why I finish once I finish reading this book the Ascent of Humanity. I'm focusing on
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Learning YouTube because it takes four years for most people to start being able to earn money
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Four years to earn a degree to go to college or to go to get a job
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So who am I to think that I can start earning money right now?
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No, if if you are someone who is rooting for me and you think that I should be focusing on money
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Well, then that is just silly. That's so silly to me because I
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Was supposed to go down a traditional path where it would take me four years to start earning money
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Who am I to think that I can start earning money?
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Only one one year into this I should be in a classroom right now. It is Friday
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the
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at 9 a.m.
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Friday August 30th at 9 a.m. I should be sitting in a college
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Classroom a college lecture hall. I should be listening to a professor
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spew a bunch of information into my face
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For four more years before I start earning money. So who am I to think that I can start earning money today?
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No, I have to learn
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and another quote that proves this to me is a
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Microsoft executive was
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said that a
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Elite or not even elite but a professional expert level programmer is worth a
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Thousand times better or a thousand times more than an average programmer
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because of the quality of his ideas
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the
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expert the expert level programmer simply understands the thing better and comes up with better ideas a
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Lot of the YouTube gurus that I listen to they say that coming up with ideas is simply just a
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Quantity game you have to come up with so many ideas
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But I came up with a thousand ideas and you know how much views that got me
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20 20 views so that proved that in combination with the quote of the
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Expert programmer is worth a thousand times more that proves to me
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That is not just quantity of ideas because mr. Beese could take one look at my channel and come up with
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two ideas in the next 10 seconds and
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the worst idea of
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the worst idea
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would get a
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Million times more views than if I came up with a thousand ideas and chose the best one
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And my proof is that I got 20 views by doing just that and I'm sure mr. Beese since he has spent
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Hundred or put tens of thousands potentially hundreds. I don't even know if that's possible hundreds of thousands
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but he spent tens of thousands of hours studying YouTube and
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and working on YouTube that
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He is the equivalent of an expert programmer which makes him so much more valuable
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If I was able to use his brain for 10 seconds
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The ideas that I could extract from 10 seconds of his brain would be worth a
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billion times more than the ideas I could extract from my own brain in
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10 hours and
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Even 10 years from the this standpoint of where I'm at that's simply because he is better
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He's just better. He understands it more. He spent more time learning it. I've literally
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Barely ever studied YouTube only for a few hours a day for a spurts of a couple weeks at a time
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I've not really devoted that much effort or energy into studying or learning YouTube and
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And that's why I am not focused on earning money anymore or
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Producing videos anymore. Yes, I still should and I still will produce videos because
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You're simply not gonna learn just by studying you have to actually apply it, but
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There's an 80-20 rule I
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Have been going by the rule of
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spend 80% of your time
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Working on the thing and then only 20% of the time learning about the thing
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However, I want to swap it to its extreme. I want to spend not 80% of my time learning
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I want to spend the majority like 95% of my time learning about the thing because
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That's exactly what
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That's one thing that the school system probably got right the fact that you have to learn a bunch of stuff
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In order to actually produce something you have to actually become a professional in order to actually be a professional
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And I am no professional. I'm making YouTube videos that get 20 views and
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I just have to learn that's it
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Now I
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Am not advocating for the school system because it turns you into a factory worker
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That is literally the purpose of the school system. That's why it was created. That's Henry Ford and a few other people
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went through the trouble of
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Creating the school system education system so that they can get people to work a
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mindless tedious job like a factory job or even like a
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knowledge
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Like a classic H. Let's say for example like a classic HR
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Desk you sit at a desk and type all day or not even HR, but a classic office job
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You sit at a desk and type all day and do mundane activities all day
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They made the education system so that they could basically
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Chip away at our humanity so that we would be okay with spending 40 hours or 40 hours a week for 40 years
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doing that tedious thing, but if you
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actually knew
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what
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People know for example if you started reading books like
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Unscripted by MJ DeMarco and you read a book called reality
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Transurfing and you read a book called the Ascent of Humanity you would not accept that fate
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It's just a fact a the education system
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They teach you a book they teach you a very selective curriculum and look at me listen to me listen to the 18 year old kid
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Who's preaching about the education is a educational system? I have no idea what I'm talking about
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but
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Yeah, I don't even know what to talk about so don't even listen to me. I
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Am just checking my list
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Yeah, basically I think I got through everything I'm not focused on I'm not even gonna say how many subs I got because I
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Have gotten so hurt
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Over the past couple months or not the past couple months this past month
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I got so hurt that I did not gain as many subs as I thought I did. I'm pretty sure I gained six subscribers
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I got like that hurt me and that is so unacceptable to me because I'm literally focusing on the result
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Why would I care if I got six?
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Six subscribers when I was proud of getting 40 subscribers last month that is so ridiculous
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Especially because there are literally seven billion
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people on this planet and I care about a couple
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Ten I care about ten like even if I had millions of subscribers
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It would still be ridiculous to focus on the results
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I have become so deluded over the past month and honestly over the past couple years
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My entire life is just a delusion everything that I've believed in is just so
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Wrong so fundamentally wrong
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Everything if if I see myself as something separate from the universe
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The hunter-gatherers used to the hunter-gatherers see
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the world as sacred they see everything as sacred as
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They see if a hunter-gatherers wife
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Got sick he would go to the doctor and say I am sick
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Why not because he will get sick. That's that's our
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simpleton
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Observation that's our simple to observe
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interpretation of that event no he says that I am sick because
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He is his wife. He is the other he is everything
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What I mean by that is
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We are not just some individual and then everyone else is a other
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That's our simpleton. That's why we're so miserable in our society. That's why I'm miserable because I don't know others any other
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I don't know any other way of life other than that
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That's why it hurts so much reading these books because it's stripping every ounce of identity that I had for me
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And he hasn't given me a new one yet
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He hasn't given me a new identity to latch on to so or at least he said he he said that you're supposed to see yourself as
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One with nature like I am nature. I you're not some individual
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A separate from the universe you are the universe. That's so abstract to me
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I don't even understand what that means. I don't understand how to apply that which is why it's so painful to read these books
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but it just it makes so much sense to me when I'm reading his books why
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there's so much suffering in the world and
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a lot of people are gonna listen to this and they're gonna think that I have become deluded because there's a
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there's a there's a common thing amongst
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Religion of thinking that if anyone deviates from the norm which the norm is believing in
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God or believing in Jesus as the only God or I don't know what the norm is
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but if you deviate from whatever the
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Stated norm was if you deviate from what the authorities say is what you're supposed to believe in then people call you
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All kinds of strange things
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but the fact is that I used to be in that camp and I learned some things and so I kind of
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brushed away a little piece of my veil of ignorance and I've seen a brighter world on the other side and
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I
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Don't even know I'm gonna end the thing right now. I have no idea what I'm talking about
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I'm still trying to come up with what I'm still trying to figure out
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What this is I'm still trying to figure out what I'm even talking about. I'm trying to figure out what what life is why
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Everyone is so miserable why I'm still miserable even though not I'm not miserable. There's no here's one thing I
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was miserable
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spending hours every day doing entertainment. I am not miserable anymore a couple months ago. I was
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Extremely happy. I was humming. I was singing. I was super
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Happy, but now I'm just kind of neutral. I'm not I'm not miserable to where I was with
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Entertainment because entertainment is literally the worst thing
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humanity has invented and I'm not talking about
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Olden days entertainment. I'm talking about how we literally know ourselves and turn off our brain the very notion of
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entertainment is a good entertaining piece of content is
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Supposed to distract yourself from your reality. That's why people call some movies good
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That's why you recommend a great movie because it basically turned off your brain and you were able to completely
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Immers yourself into that experience. That is so evil
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And I don't know why but I think that there's something wrong because I used to watch entertainment all the time and listen to that stuff
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and it left me feeling
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Genuinely hurt
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But I've seen what there could be on the other side for a brief moment of time
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and I
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Don't know how to get back to it currently, but I'm on a quest to get back to it
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I'm not sure what I'm even saying. Goodbye. I
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